Where have u been Maw?

Tuesday 10-12-2008

I did not what to do this day. I was kept thinking of what was happened the day before. I cannot believe that it would be happened. I still loved him but why he did that to me. I was totally hurt by his words. Around 6pm nearly 7 pm, HIM brought me to somewhere. HIM did not know yet what was happened to me. I tried to keep the secret. We went to Jollibee at the Serusop to buy ice cream, caramel flavored. I forgot the name of it. Then we went to Jerudong Beach and we talked much there. Suddenly, I asked HIM.

"Do you care of your Girlfriend's past?"

"I do not care about her past. Everybody can make mistakes n nobody is perfect. Why do you ask? You got problem By?"

I was started to cry, he hugged me so tight, and he kissed my forehead. I could not stand that feeling. I really could not stand it and I told HIM what was happened with my relationship. I told all of it. No excluded. He was a little bit surprised, shocked. Then, he hugged me so tight and kissed my forehead, my head and my cheeks. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead again.

That day was very windy n had very strong waves came over. It splashed over our face, our shirts. Maybe it had the same feeling what I was felt that time. Mad, happy, sad. All into one. I was mad because I could not believe that we were ended like that. That was pretty hurt you know. I did not know how to explain my feeling that time. Happy?
It was because I could able to share my problem with someone and I felt like I did not have any burden anymore. I could release it and it was a little bit better. Sad? Of course, I was sad. Did not you feel sad if u were in my situation? Of course, u will do.

We were not longer there and HIM brought me somewhere. HIM remembered where I was really wanted to go. Does u want to know? Our first date, 41208, I wanted to go to Empire because I wanted to walk there along the beach but that day it was raining heavily. HIM brought me there this day. I was so happy that HIM still remembered. Even myself, I did not remember u know. Wow! That was amazing. Then we parked at Li Gong. Then, we had a long walked from the car park and there was a service that carries people from one distance to another. I did not know what the name is and HIM brought me to the small car, not really a car, and HIM told the driver to go to the beach. That was very romantic. That time was very windy and I could feel the cold. We were there. We walked along the beach and HIM told me to wear his sweater but I refused because I got mine, which is a scarf, and it was enough for me to warm myself. There was a bench near to the beach and we sat there. We had a long chat. Very long. What a romantic night that day was. I hope I could rewind what had happened this day.

We went back to the car park and we stared at each other eyes deeply. Moreover, we went straight away to my home. It was nearly 10pm. I could feel something but hmm... he called me late night again. Hmm…

Thursday 11-12-2008

I met HIM this day. My mood this day was mixed. All into one . I was depressed. I do not know why. Before I met HIM, I was stayed at home, thinking about HIM n Hby (not longer. I nicked him Suk lh ah..) both of them.

When I met HIM, I was a little bit angry. The feeling of mad suddenly came to my soul. I did not know why that was happened. What I meant was I did not scold HIM or whatever that showed actions of anger but my expression did. My face. HIM kept asking me why but I did not answered. I also did not know why I was in anger that time. May be I was still depressed. I felt like I was crazy, insane. He kept hugging me but I pushed HIM. It was liked HIM tried to control me from my emotion but HIM still hugging me eventhough I kept pushing HIM no matter what.

I was just shut my mouth and not even a word came from my mouth. It was insane right. OMG! Help me. What the hell was happening to me? Was I ok this day? HIM sent me back home n HIM told me to call HIM. HIM thought that I was switched off my phone but I did not. May be that time the service was not so good. Then he texted me like this:

"How dare u to switch off your phone. I am sorry if I have done wrong n made u hurt o whatever. I really need u By n please reply my text"

Kind of like that. Then I called HIM. He was worried about me. I explained to HIM that I did not switch off my phone either. I have never switch off my phone. Then we were ok.

I tried to show who I am to HIM so HIM will take me as I am. What had I done when I met HIM? Hmm.. I showed to HIM who am I lah. I mad at HIM with my ego attitude, which most people did not like, I pushed HIM but I did not scold HIM. Eventhough I did like that to HIM but HIM was patient to face it. I was proud to have HIM in my life. Honestly, I fell in love with HIM as he does. He kept saying I love you to me. I love you too. It was too fast I thought.

I felt sorry about what was happened and I texted HIM, telling Him sorry for what was just happened that night.

I watched DVD titled "the love Guru". That movie was amazing. It raised my spirit this day. I could laugh again, I could smile again but something was still interrupted me. It was HIM. HIM did not replied my message of apology yet. Was HIM still sleeping? Why was HIM did that f HIM already awake? Did I do something really worst? OMG! I knew that was my fault. Why was I acted like that when I met HIM? I was so sorry.

I had made decision. I would not to contact HIM anymore eventhough HIM did not want to explain anything. Just let it be a secret for HIM, which I also did not know until now.

I decided that I wanted to be alone. Just want to be alone. If u read my blog, I just want to say sorry for what have I done, if I did hurt u, I am so sorry. Moreover, just do not contact me anymore. I just want to be alone right now. Last but not least, thank you for making a wonderful day since I had problems with Suk.